When researching CHD there is publications on everything you could possibly think of, but the one thing that is never discussed is the feelings and mental ramifications that are experienced pre and post surgery. I have talked about this before and I passionately believe there needs to be a bigger spotlight on this issue.
At the time of my surgery I had no idea that what I was about to go through extended far beyond the physical trauma my body would have to endure, you see your mind has the same extent trauma that you body goes through, just because you can't see I doesn't mean it isn't there. I was completely unprepared and un aware of the PTSD like symptoms I would experience, so when they hit, I spiralled into a hole of panic attacks and fear driven thoughts. Anyone who has experienced PTSD of any kind knows how scary it is to begin with, but to be having those thoughts and feelings and to have them be completely unexplainable and unexpected adds another level of fear.
When I finally realised I couldn't do it on my own any more, I sought help from a psychologist who told me I was depressed, I know now that I wasn't. I simply accepted the first solid answer I had gotten. What I was suffering with was not something widely known used in the medical/scientific field, I was suffering from Pumphead. Also known as Post Perfusion Syndrome it is "a constellation of neurocognitive impairments attributed to cardiopulmonary bypass during cardiac surgery"
Cardiac patients are often lumped in with other neurological diagnosis like depression, anxiety, and PTSD because SOME of the symptoms present the same. The critical word is SOME, we are not depressed, we are simply processing a massive and traumatic event in our lives, and we don't have anxiety, we are anxious about our now seemingly fragile heart and the thought of needing more open heart surgery, and it is not full blown PTSD either. Cardiac patients have always been put into these categories because no one has taken the time to actually speak up about what we need and what we experience, until now.
No one told me any of this, you need to fight for what you need and don't be afraid to listen to your own body and not just blindly follow the direction of other people. Your unstoppable, be unstoppable.
Jess xx
Kommentare