I know no I know, it sounds like some 90's rock band, but Pumphead is a very real form of PTSD that people can develop after Open Heart Surgery. The name Pumphead refers to the heart lung machine that is used during Open Heart Surgery and if you haven't heard of it, don't worry, your not alone. It is a condition that though often experienced, it is very early talked about or even mentioned. It is basically the mental and emotional effects a person can suffer post operatively.
The physical is so heavily, and rightly so, focused on that the mental and emotional toll is most often only discussed briefly or in some cases overlooked almost entirely. In my case I was not warned of the existence let alone the risks of Pumphead.
I was effected quite heavily by Pumphead with out even knowing it. I was plagued with anxiety about my body and my health. I would find my self worrying that I was doing something that was going to be detrimental to my recovery or health in general. I also found myself focusing on my breathing and convincing myself that it was wrong and that my heart was failing. I was having panic attacks when I went to bed that I was going to die.
These are thoughts and feelings that go well beyond what any person should be living with, let alone someone who is recovering from an event was traumatic as Open Heart Surgery. I would lay awake at night and my brain would flit from being completely overtaken by fear and dread and making myself feel physically ill, to being convinced I was going crazy.
Not only was I affected emotionally, my memory was also effected. It was not a dramatic "I can't remember anything or anyone" but just little things like needing to write things down so I don't forget. Even though it sounds minor, it was confusing and scary to not know what was going on.
Had I been warned about Pumphead, I would have known the signs and symptom and most likely proceed myself form these harmful thoughts and feelings.
It seems absurd to me that a condition that is so potentially damaging to someones mental health can be just be overlooked. It is so important to look after our mental heath and ignoring this I feel is a big injustice to all people undergoing Open Heart Surgery.
Jess xx
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