post traumatic growth

Y'all know I talk a lot about how my surgery and all the events surrounding it have effected me irrevocably. The nightmares, sleepless nights, crippling anxiety, physical changes, emotional and mental changes such as memory lapses these are just some of the unexpected things that popped up after I had my surgery. If I listed all of them this post would never end 🤣. It's no surprise that there is ever lasting changes and challenges that are ever present, Open Heart Surgery is after all a traumatic event. They quite literally take you apart and put you back together again, different than before. There's no way that's not going to change you. Every person has a different journey just like every person has different symptoms and different reactions to those symptoms. It is such a crazy experience to have had this big huge crazy thing happen and then really have no way of knowing how to even begin to heal and get your life back on track. 

That's where I want to focus my energy. I know that I can't change what has happened to me, but I can change how I react to those changes. If you are following me on my socials you will know I recently lended my story to and took part in the most magical and profound documentary about "the gulf that can exist between advances in medical science on one hand and patient experiences on the other." It tells the stories of eight ex- patients and goes on a journey of marked changes in personal priorities and life goals. It delves into the way in which patients are rebuilding their lives after these surgeries, and let me tell you, though all different, they are all remarkable and like an artwork of all the little pieces of their lives both pre and post surgery. Post Traumatic Growth is defined as the kind of transformation that allows a person to find positive growth after trauma. To put it simply it is a way of finding a purpose for the pain, A lot of the time this comes in the form of creativity. For me that turned into this blog. PTG is the underlying philosophy for my whole blogging journey, I have this desire to help and walk along side others going through this and sharing my story is the best way I can think to do that, along with the added benefit of being extremely therapeutic and a way for me to process my recovery as I heal. 

Yes, I am still healing nearly four years later, though the physical healed a long time ago, mentally and emotionally I am still very much healing and it is something I battle everyday in everything that I do, as I know many of you that have been through open heart surgery or any kind of trauma would relate to. I stumbled across an article recently that so eloquently wraps it up in a pretty little bow; "PTG allows us to grasp the knowledge of using the pain to change our lives for the better" When we are able to use the pain instead of work against it, there is this incredible moment of realisation that happens, and it has taken me a long time and I'm definitely not done fighting but I promise it gets easier and if you can find ways to work with it rather than against it, and you can acknowledge it, suddenly you have talked all of its power away. Once you take its power away suddenly it isn't so scary anymore, it becomes easier to manage and doesn't seem quite so insurmountable. 

Some handy tips I have picked up over the years that work for me personally are taking it one day at a time, don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow or next week or next year, break it down into little manageable chunks; don't try to do everything at once, and have patience (I've had to work reeaalll hard at this one 😂). I want to stress that these are what has worked for me and may not work for everybody, but, hey if you can benefit from my experience than all the better!! 

After the absolute s**t show that has been 2020 I hope you are all safe and well and have been able to enjoy the festive season however that looks for you and sending love to all of those who have been separated from loved ones this Christmas. So keep healing and loving yourself ❤️ 

"suffering ceases to become suffering at the moment it finds a purpose" - Viktor Frankl

Jess xx