Open heart surgery is such a big thing, such a traumatic event that it almost doesn't feel real, like it has happened to someone else and you were there as a spectator. It's a weird experience. But if I had to take a guess I would say it is our brains way of trying to protect us from the reality of what we have just been through.
Before my surgery I was reassured by everyone including my doctors that after recovery life would simply carry on as normal and not a lot would be different, so it was unsettling to me to feel like some how it wasn't, something was not the same and I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was and it bugged me. I started to do my own researching and I discovered that a large majority of patients, after undergoing open heart surgery go through a period of grieving their old life, their old body. Patients have been known to experience an altered emotional state including anxiety, sadness, anger and nightmares. This is a known condition called 'Cardiac Blues'. Doctors are not telling patients of the possibility of this condition taking hold, and when I say 'take hold' I mean it in the most literal sense of the word. Let that sink in, its KNOWN and yet patients are still not being told. it leaves such a big gap between the physical and mental/emotional side of treatment that could so easily be bridged. The almost depressive like state of mind it sets in motion is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It was scary, it was confronting and felt like it would never end.
My heart surgery fell right in the middle of my studies so after recovery I went back to class and suddenly it was like I had lost the ability to be the studious and attentive student I had been before. I couldn't concentrate, my ability to focus was diminished, my memory both long and short-term were impacted making absorbing information difficult. And when I wasn't at TAFE or work, I struggled to get out of bed, I had zero motivation for anything and I was just generally low, not to mention I was a little more irritable... okay a lot. And even now 3 years later I would say a lot of these still effect me on a day to day basis. Although it has evened out and I have been able to more or less work through it, it was so scary and disconcerting to have this hit out of nowhere with zero warning as to what it was or that it was even a possibility.
One in five patients go on to experience depression, which is much higher than the general population’s rate of one in 20. It is so crazy to me that this many people are suffering through this and it isn't being talked about, like how. There is so much pressure and angst around recovery and everything that comes along with it that the mental health side can be debilitating. It is so important to be providing the support patients need mentally as much as physically. It breaks my heart that so many people have had to battle this by themselves and not had the help or support to know what it is let alone how best to work through it.
Let's talk about this, lets start the conversation. Looking after your mental health is as important as your physical health especially at the moment.
You deserve every chance to be the best version of your self. Fight for it.
Jess xx
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