You saved me,
Before you, I was lost, before you I didn't know who I was and I definitely did not have any idea just how strong I was capable of being.
When I first heard about you I thought that was the end, I thought that there was no way I could possibly survive anything like that.
I came into this experience with admittedly little to no knowledge of CHD or the complications that come with it. This made my journey with you even more scary and added to the unknown hanging over my future. At the start I was convinced I had no future beyond this, that I would be broken and a shell of the me I once was. This scared me almost more than the actual surgery.
There is definitely some days I resent you and wonder "why, why me, what did I ever do to you?" But I truly believe I was given this challenge for a reason. You have left scars on my body that are a constant reminder of the pain and termoil I went through and I truly believe this is what now makes up the foundation of who I have become.
However it would be remiss of me to not mention all the good things you have given me, and that despite everything, I do in fact love you. You have given me a stronger understanding of my self, you have made me apart of a community full of wonderful beautiful souls that I am blessed to be part of. But most of all, you quite literally saved my life, both physically and emotionally and that is something that I could never possibly put into words. You came into my life at a time when I was really quite lost and surprisingly this journey has been as much like a few comforting guiding words from a friend as it has been scary and confronting.
So I want to make an deal with you, we are stuck with each other, we already knew that and I'm sure it's not going to be all plain sailing, but regardless, we need to look after each other and become better for ourselves and our future, okay?
Jess xx
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